I'm going through and feeling a lot that I don't know how to put into words.
The guy in my life is with me all the time and there's been ups and downs like we never experienced before he left for his 90 days training.
It is official as it can be at this point that he will be leaving December 7th. A lot needs to happen in order for us to make it through that time apart with little contact. I know what I want, but there's things that I even want changed now. So will the things that absolutely have to happen, if they happen, make it possible even?
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Birthday Time Cha Cha Cha!
So today is my birthday and it has been a pretty good day, aside from having to spend 8 hours of it at work, but hey - gotta make the money. Tonight I have rehearsal for Bus Stop. Acting is my passion so what better way to spend my birthday. Then I get to go home where an incredible man will be waiting for me.
This is going to be a fabulous year. It's going to have some very real and sad moments I realize, but this year is going to change my life forever.
As of right now, I have 18 days left with said incredible guy before he leaves for training in California for 90 days. I realize 3 months is not that terribly long, especially knowing I may be without him for an entire year starting this December, but all I can think is I can't touch him, kiss him, hug him, feel his hands running through my hair as he often does. I know I will talk to him daily and share everything with him just like I do now, but it breaks my heart to not have him physically in front of me. His smell! I love the way he smells. It's not a cologne or anything per say, but just his scent and I know it well and am in love with it.
This is going to be a fabulous year. It's going to have some very real and sad moments I realize, but this year is going to change my life forever.
As of right now, I have 18 days left with said incredible guy before he leaves for training in California for 90 days. I realize 3 months is not that terribly long, especially knowing I may be without him for an entire year starting this December, but all I can think is I can't touch him, kiss him, hug him, feel his hands running through my hair as he often does. I know I will talk to him daily and share everything with him just like I do now, but it breaks my heart to not have him physically in front of me. His smell! I love the way he smells. It's not a cologne or anything per say, but just his scent and I know it well and am in love with it.
Friday, January 13, 2012
Bus Spot Auditions
Wednesday night I auditioned for the newly formed theatre group in my home town. Their first show is 'Bus Stop'. I have auditioned for the role of Cherie. My audition consisted not only of cold readings from the script, but also of singing 'That Old Black Magic', which Cherie performs in the show. I feel fairly good about my audition, especially my singing. I almost never get nervous acting, but singing can give me the jitters a bit. Fortunately I controlled my nerves, which were few anyway surprisingly, and I sang pretty darn well, twice. He had me sing in more of a western style after I did my rendition. Also he said act like you think you're being sexy, but really you're kind of awkward. I apparently did this spot on and had them cracking up!
I got the e mail today that I have been called for a callback tomorrow afternoon. I'm looking forward to it. I'm curious to see what my competition is.
I also have a fitting tomorrow for Kansas City Fashion Week, which is February 25th - the show I'm in. Then Sunday afternoon I have a quick shoot where I'll have a quote painted on my body.
I'm glad Monday is a holiday then I suppose. Perhaps I'll bake something and then give the baked goodies away because they're not on my diet.
I got the e mail today that I have been called for a callback tomorrow afternoon. I'm looking forward to it. I'm curious to see what my competition is.
I also have a fitting tomorrow for Kansas City Fashion Week, which is February 25th - the show I'm in. Then Sunday afternoon I have a quick shoot where I'll have a quote painted on my body.
I'm glad Monday is a holiday then I suppose. Perhaps I'll bake something and then give the baked goodies away because they're not on my diet.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Change (Friends v. Relationship)
When your relationship reaches a new level and you're spending a lot of time together you're inevitably missing out on what your friends are doing. You know, those single gals you used to tear up the town with? Now it seems they're moving on without you, meeting other single girls to hang out with and meet men, but at the same time that's not your lifestyle anymore. What do you do?
It almost seems like you have to make a new set of friends, 'couple friends'. These seem like people who will understand when you want it to be just a you two night. They discuss their relationships and not how hot that guy is, who they slept with last night or who's bed they woke up in last weekend. That talk seems disturbing to me being a couple. Certainly not something I want discussed in front of the two of us.
My single friends don't seem terribly understanding of my wanting to have time with just my man and after two times of this I'm being talked about behind my back about how I ditch my girlfriends for my new boyfriend. This is not true. And I'm not saying I won't still see my girls and go out, but it makes me a little bit in a strange way miss being single. At the same time I know that can't go on forever and I'm getting closer to a big birthday, which makes me feel like it's time to settle down and start a family within the next few years (if that is in fact what I want, which I know I do). I've been warming up to the idea of having a baby. One of the friends I'm referencing has two kids! But she's separated from their Dad so she gets free nights. It seems that's the way to do it. Get married/in a serious relationship, have kids then split thus splitting kid time and getting freebie nights to live it up. That's how you have it all??
No, because I want love. Why do I feel like I'm teetering on this line? It's between fun girl nights, being single and meeting guys and falling in love, getting married, having a family and sharing my life with someone... which one sounds more meaningful? And really those single girlfriends of mine want that too; they're just not there, haven't met the right guy.
It's true we're not happy with what we have. They want what I have and a part of me misses what they have. Or maybe it's just a guilty feeling? Because I am happy. I am truly happy in this relationship I'm in and have never felt so reassured that this is right. It's for this reason that I want to spend as much time as I can with him. We make each other happy. It's just making that adjustment... that transition into coupledom. Making my evenings spent with him more about making dinner with him, talking/sharing with him rather than how I used to go out even on some week nights, drinking, staying out late... yeah it made for great stories and true we did some really stupid and dangerous things all in the name of alcohol and fun, but that's not me anymore. Sure I want to have girls nights and drink a reasonable amount and get home safely alone or to my boyfriend, but I'll just have to understand the fact that I will miss many nights of mayhem and I'll be ok with it because my time with him or with my family rather or even alone, just not taking part in that old craziness is cultivating something more and will hopefully lead to a even happier future.
It almost seems like you have to make a new set of friends, 'couple friends'. These seem like people who will understand when you want it to be just a you two night. They discuss their relationships and not how hot that guy is, who they slept with last night or who's bed they woke up in last weekend. That talk seems disturbing to me being a couple. Certainly not something I want discussed in front of the two of us.
My single friends don't seem terribly understanding of my wanting to have time with just my man and after two times of this I'm being talked about behind my back about how I ditch my girlfriends for my new boyfriend. This is not true. And I'm not saying I won't still see my girls and go out, but it makes me a little bit in a strange way miss being single. At the same time I know that can't go on forever and I'm getting closer to a big birthday, which makes me feel like it's time to settle down and start a family within the next few years (if that is in fact what I want, which I know I do). I've been warming up to the idea of having a baby. One of the friends I'm referencing has two kids! But she's separated from their Dad so she gets free nights. It seems that's the way to do it. Get married/in a serious relationship, have kids then split thus splitting kid time and getting freebie nights to live it up. That's how you have it all??
No, because I want love. Why do I feel like I'm teetering on this line? It's between fun girl nights, being single and meeting guys and falling in love, getting married, having a family and sharing my life with someone... which one sounds more meaningful? And really those single girlfriends of mine want that too; they're just not there, haven't met the right guy.
It's true we're not happy with what we have. They want what I have and a part of me misses what they have. Or maybe it's just a guilty feeling? Because I am happy. I am truly happy in this relationship I'm in and have never felt so reassured that this is right. It's for this reason that I want to spend as much time as I can with him. We make each other happy. It's just making that adjustment... that transition into coupledom. Making my evenings spent with him more about making dinner with him, talking/sharing with him rather than how I used to go out even on some week nights, drinking, staying out late... yeah it made for great stories and true we did some really stupid and dangerous things all in the name of alcohol and fun, but that's not me anymore. Sure I want to have girls nights and drink a reasonable amount and get home safely alone or to my boyfriend, but I'll just have to understand the fact that I will miss many nights of mayhem and I'll be ok with it because my time with him or with my family rather or even alone, just not taking part in that old craziness is cultivating something more and will hopefully lead to a even happier future.
Friday, December 9, 2011
ADCD
Wow... I am a slacker. Way to follow through with my blog. No wonder it sucks so bad. The inconsistency alone is enough to turn people away. Inconsistency in posts/timing, not topic. My by line suggests my tendency to be random. That's just me people.
Ok on to an actual blog. Perhaps I'll do more than one today. Ooooo.... Aaaah.
So, confession: I have ADCD. What is ADCD you ask? I'm glad you did. It's Attention Deficit Cleaning Disorder and I suffer from it pretty severely. Don't worry I'm able to keep from being medicated and live as close to a normal life as you possibly can with such a chaotic disease.
You see it starts in the bathroom, as all good cleaning sessions do, as they are the most straight forward to clean. Toilet needs scrubbing, sink needs detoothpasting and dehairing, shower needs wiped down, floor needs sweeping and mirror needs Windex... simple right? Not much room for error or roaming? Alas, I forget a cleaning agent, which is under the sink in the KITCHEN. Don don don. Getting to the kitchen means walking through the living room, which I suddenly notice needs vacuuming NOW. It can't possibly wait another moment. So I grab the vacuum and since I'm doing the living room I might as well do the entire apartment. I end in the bedroom, turn off the vacuum and low and behold the sheets need changing so I strip the bed and as I do I notice there's clean clothes in the basket while a pile of dirty clothes lays on the floor. So I begin putting away said clean clothes. As I put away undies and socks I notice a thick layer of dust on my dresser. This won't do. So I head back under the kitchen sink to retrieve the Pledge, but as I do I spy the toilet bowl cleaner I had left the bathroom for earlier. A thought comes to mind. I will squirt in the toilet bowl cleaner because what toilet bowl cleaner doesn't need to sit for a good 30 minutes and I'll fold the blankets on the couch and put the pillows back in their place. I passed that damn living room again on the way from the bedroom to get the Pledge that I have now forgotten about. So now I'm loading the dishwasher, which I'm sure you're wondering how that happened... well I was under the kitchen sink people and as I rose up from squatting at under kitchen sink cabinet level, I noticed there were dirty dishes in and next to the sink. As I close the dishwasher door and I think, "damn I started in the bathroom like 45 minutes ago, I should go finish that first".
So I enter the bathroom, stand for a moment perplexed at where I left off as I go through the above bathroom cleaning checklist in my head. Duh! I needed Windex!
You can see where this going, so I'll spare you more detail. Be rest assured that I do eventually get some of the cleaning I intended to do done. Just not all one room is entirely cleaned to my minds standards and when I mention my minds standards, I am referring to the mind set I had going into the cleaning project. Since then I have wandered from room to room performing various seemingly urgent tasks in each, which leads me to another area, a good song has come on the radio that I had to stop and dance to and while the next song wasn't as good I figure why not keep a good thing going and burn a few cal and then my cell rang. At this point my cleaning mindset had pretty much gone to hell. So if you speak to me frequently while I am at home and ever wonder why I am consistently (I knew I was consistent at something) saying, "I'm cleaning", this is why. It's an endless task for me.
Ok on to an actual blog. Perhaps I'll do more than one today. Ooooo.... Aaaah.
So, confession: I have ADCD. What is ADCD you ask? I'm glad you did. It's Attention Deficit Cleaning Disorder and I suffer from it pretty severely. Don't worry I'm able to keep from being medicated and live as close to a normal life as you possibly can with such a chaotic disease.
You see it starts in the bathroom, as all good cleaning sessions do, as they are the most straight forward to clean. Toilet needs scrubbing, sink needs detoothpasting and dehairing, shower needs wiped down, floor needs sweeping and mirror needs Windex... simple right? Not much room for error or roaming? Alas, I forget a cleaning agent, which is under the sink in the KITCHEN. Don don don. Getting to the kitchen means walking through the living room, which I suddenly notice needs vacuuming NOW. It can't possibly wait another moment. So I grab the vacuum and since I'm doing the living room I might as well do the entire apartment. I end in the bedroom, turn off the vacuum and low and behold the sheets need changing so I strip the bed and as I do I notice there's clean clothes in the basket while a pile of dirty clothes lays on the floor. So I begin putting away said clean clothes. As I put away undies and socks I notice a thick layer of dust on my dresser. This won't do. So I head back under the kitchen sink to retrieve the Pledge, but as I do I spy the toilet bowl cleaner I had left the bathroom for earlier. A thought comes to mind. I will squirt in the toilet bowl cleaner because what toilet bowl cleaner doesn't need to sit for a good 30 minutes and I'll fold the blankets on the couch and put the pillows back in their place. I passed that damn living room again on the way from the bedroom to get the Pledge that I have now forgotten about. So now I'm loading the dishwasher, which I'm sure you're wondering how that happened... well I was under the kitchen sink people and as I rose up from squatting at under kitchen sink cabinet level, I noticed there were dirty dishes in and next to the sink. As I close the dishwasher door and I think, "damn I started in the bathroom like 45 minutes ago, I should go finish that first".
So I enter the bathroom, stand for a moment perplexed at where I left off as I go through the above bathroom cleaning checklist in my head. Duh! I needed Windex!
You can see where this going, so I'll spare you more detail. Be rest assured that I do eventually get some of the cleaning I intended to do done. Just not all one room is entirely cleaned to my minds standards and when I mention my minds standards, I am referring to the mind set I had going into the cleaning project. Since then I have wandered from room to room performing various seemingly urgent tasks in each, which leads me to another area, a good song has come on the radio that I had to stop and dance to and while the next song wasn't as good I figure why not keep a good thing going and burn a few cal and then my cell rang. At this point my cleaning mindset had pretty much gone to hell. So if you speak to me frequently while I am at home and ever wonder why I am consistently (I knew I was consistent at something) saying, "I'm cleaning", this is why. It's an endless task for me.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
November is Here?!?
October was quite a month. Ended one relationship and began a .... something. Was cast in a show. Made some memories. Ended it all with Monday Night Football on Halloween!
Tailgating was insane! Inside everyone was pumped and the Chiefs won in overtime!
Now is it 11-1-11. I ran through the dial on the radio on the way into work and didn't hear any Christmas music yet.
Looking forward to Thanksgiving and Christmas actually. I wasn't sure if I would this year after all the hell I've gone through, but I have walked away and not looked back and I'm happy. I'm truly considering getting a real Christmas tree for my little apartment. I may not be able to walk across my living room, but it will smell of pine and make me smile. Oh yeah and we could see snow early as tomorrow....whaaaa?
Tailgating was insane! Inside everyone was pumped and the Chiefs won in overtime!
Now is it 11-1-11. I ran through the dial on the radio on the way into work and didn't hear any Christmas music yet.
Looking forward to Thanksgiving and Christmas actually. I wasn't sure if I would this year after all the hell I've gone through, but I have walked away and not looked back and I'm happy. I'm truly considering getting a real Christmas tree for my little apartment. I may not be able to walk across my living room, but it will smell of pine and make me smile. Oh yeah and we could see snow early as tomorrow....whaaaa?
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Back on Stage!
And my goodness you have no idea how good it feels to be back up there!
I have been cast as Sugar Lee Thompkins in The Hallelujah Girls. We just finished our second week of rehearsals and tuesday night we ripped off the "kissing scene" band aid. It's really not that big of deal, but it's like the anticipation gets the better of you. This is supposed to be a passionate moment between these two characters and the theatre is small so there is no room for "miss kiss". I'm sure I'll get somewhat nervous before each kiss, but it will get easier.
The show runs December 1 - 3 and 8 - 10.
I have been cast as Sugar Lee Thompkins in The Hallelujah Girls. We just finished our second week of rehearsals and tuesday night we ripped off the "kissing scene" band aid. It's really not that big of deal, but it's like the anticipation gets the better of you. This is supposed to be a passionate moment between these two characters and the theatre is small so there is no room for "miss kiss". I'm sure I'll get somewhat nervous before each kiss, but it will get easier.
The show runs December 1 - 3 and 8 - 10.
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