To let go of someone is hard.
To know when enough is enough.
To convince yourself deep down that they are not the last stop.
To change the plans you made in your head.
To block out the day dreams.
To be alone.
To start again.
To share your story with someone new.
To wait.
To see.
To kiss.
To fail.
To get back up.
To be open to finding it.
To be open to it finding you.
To learn.
To feel your heart race.
To fall.
To love.
To make love.
To be able to look back and realize your past was best left behind.
To look to the future. With them.
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
Wednesday, January 7, 2015
Maybe You Shouldn't Date
Most of the people I know are married or are getting married, but as for myself and and a couple of my girlfriends the right guy has yet to be found. Discussions with them and reading those dating posts on Facebook have brought me here to rant.
If you are out in the dating world and you can't be honest with the person you're seeing as to whether you like them or not, which is mainly shown through action - behavior when together, communication (text and/or calls), then you are not mature enough to date. At all. Period. If you're still seeking out rando people then perhaps your dating profile (if you have one) should state that you are looking for just a hook up. A unattached, never communicate again - except maybe for more 'ahem' - STD riddled sex.
Do not seek out men/women looking for a real, honest, trusting and hopefully lasting relationship.
If you are looking for the above however, and you find yourself with someone you're becoming less enthusiastic about then do not just stop responding to their calls, texts, social media messages, e mail, etc...that's the chicken shit way out. You justify it by just feeling annoyed by their out reaches to you, rolling your eyes at the notifications on your phone before hitting the sleep button and returning it to your pocket/purse. Meanwhile, this other person is left wondering what the hell is going on. At times they'll feel angry wondering why you're such an asshole/bitch suddenly because let's face, last time you were together you probably gave no indication that you weren't feeling it. Other times they'll feel sad wondering what they did wrong. If you're feeling that way, you did nothing wrong except for getting involved with an immature coward. Listen, not everyone is going to be your cup of tea, even if it started out nice. You get to know someone better and sometimes you realize they aren't for you. That's cool. What's not cool is dropping off the face of the planet because you can't manage to be a man/woman and tell this person, nicely, that you'd make better friends or that there's a lack of chemistry on your end. Yes, it is going to suck. Typically people don't like to hurt others and yes, sometimes the other person will not thank you politely and walk away, but will cry, scream and/or throw a tantrum. It doesn't matter, you owe them that honesty. It's the ripping off the band aid way. Slinking off into the abyss, dropping all communication is the slow agonizing way of eventually letting someone know you don't give a shit about them.
I did this on a first date recently. It got to the end of the night, we're standing at our cars and he asks the, "so can I call you again" question. I took a beat and said, "I don't think so". I explained how I knew now that he wasn't a fit for me. In this case, he only offered a single rebuttal then realizing it was futile, asked that I text when I had made it safely home and left. I did text him upon my return home and thanked him for the evening. He did the same and that was that. Granted this was an easy one date shoot down and once you've been seeing someone for a while it gets a little more complicated, but all the more reason to care enough for that persons feelings to be up front with them.
If you are out in the dating world and you can't be honest with the person you're seeing as to whether you like them or not, which is mainly shown through action - behavior when together, communication (text and/or calls), then you are not mature enough to date. At all. Period. If you're still seeking out rando people then perhaps your dating profile (if you have one) should state that you are looking for just a hook up. A unattached, never communicate again - except maybe for more 'ahem' - STD riddled sex.
Do not seek out men/women looking for a real, honest, trusting and hopefully lasting relationship.
If you are looking for the above however, and you find yourself with someone you're becoming less enthusiastic about then do not just stop responding to their calls, texts, social media messages, e mail, etc...that's the chicken shit way out. You justify it by just feeling annoyed by their out reaches to you, rolling your eyes at the notifications on your phone before hitting the sleep button and returning it to your pocket/purse. Meanwhile, this other person is left wondering what the hell is going on. At times they'll feel angry wondering why you're such an asshole/bitch suddenly because let's face, last time you were together you probably gave no indication that you weren't feeling it. Other times they'll feel sad wondering what they did wrong. If you're feeling that way, you did nothing wrong except for getting involved with an immature coward. Listen, not everyone is going to be your cup of tea, even if it started out nice. You get to know someone better and sometimes you realize they aren't for you. That's cool. What's not cool is dropping off the face of the planet because you can't manage to be a man/woman and tell this person, nicely, that you'd make better friends or that there's a lack of chemistry on your end. Yes, it is going to suck. Typically people don't like to hurt others and yes, sometimes the other person will not thank you politely and walk away, but will cry, scream and/or throw a tantrum. It doesn't matter, you owe them that honesty. It's the ripping off the band aid way. Slinking off into the abyss, dropping all communication is the slow agonizing way of eventually letting someone know you don't give a shit about them.
I did this on a first date recently. It got to the end of the night, we're standing at our cars and he asks the, "so can I call you again" question. I took a beat and said, "I don't think so". I explained how I knew now that he wasn't a fit for me. In this case, he only offered a single rebuttal then realizing it was futile, asked that I text when I had made it safely home and left. I did text him upon my return home and thanked him for the evening. He did the same and that was that. Granted this was an easy one date shoot down and once you've been seeing someone for a while it gets a little more complicated, but all the more reason to care enough for that persons feelings to be up front with them.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Change (Friends v. Relationship)
When your relationship reaches a new level and you're spending a lot of time together you're inevitably missing out on what your friends are doing. You know, those single gals you used to tear up the town with? Now it seems they're moving on without you, meeting other single girls to hang out with and meet men, but at the same time that's not your lifestyle anymore. What do you do?
It almost seems like you have to make a new set of friends, 'couple friends'. These seem like people who will understand when you want it to be just a you two night. They discuss their relationships and not how hot that guy is, who they slept with last night or who's bed they woke up in last weekend. That talk seems disturbing to me being a couple. Certainly not something I want discussed in front of the two of us.
My single friends don't seem terribly understanding of my wanting to have time with just my man and after two times of this I'm being talked about behind my back about how I ditch my girlfriends for my new boyfriend. This is not true. And I'm not saying I won't still see my girls and go out, but it makes me a little bit in a strange way miss being single. At the same time I know that can't go on forever and I'm getting closer to a big birthday, which makes me feel like it's time to settle down and start a family within the next few years (if that is in fact what I want, which I know I do). I've been warming up to the idea of having a baby. One of the friends I'm referencing has two kids! But she's separated from their Dad so she gets free nights. It seems that's the way to do it. Get married/in a serious relationship, have kids then split thus splitting kid time and getting freebie nights to live it up. That's how you have it all??
No, because I want love. Why do I feel like I'm teetering on this line? It's between fun girl nights, being single and meeting guys and falling in love, getting married, having a family and sharing my life with someone... which one sounds more meaningful? And really those single girlfriends of mine want that too; they're just not there, haven't met the right guy.
It's true we're not happy with what we have. They want what I have and a part of me misses what they have. Or maybe it's just a guilty feeling? Because I am happy. I am truly happy in this relationship I'm in and have never felt so reassured that this is right. It's for this reason that I want to spend as much time as I can with him. We make each other happy. It's just making that adjustment... that transition into coupledom. Making my evenings spent with him more about making dinner with him, talking/sharing with him rather than how I used to go out even on some week nights, drinking, staying out late... yeah it made for great stories and true we did some really stupid and dangerous things all in the name of alcohol and fun, but that's not me anymore. Sure I want to have girls nights and drink a reasonable amount and get home safely alone or to my boyfriend, but I'll just have to understand the fact that I will miss many nights of mayhem and I'll be ok with it because my time with him or with my family rather or even alone, just not taking part in that old craziness is cultivating something more and will hopefully lead to a even happier future.
It almost seems like you have to make a new set of friends, 'couple friends'. These seem like people who will understand when you want it to be just a you two night. They discuss their relationships and not how hot that guy is, who they slept with last night or who's bed they woke up in last weekend. That talk seems disturbing to me being a couple. Certainly not something I want discussed in front of the two of us.
My single friends don't seem terribly understanding of my wanting to have time with just my man and after two times of this I'm being talked about behind my back about how I ditch my girlfriends for my new boyfriend. This is not true. And I'm not saying I won't still see my girls and go out, but it makes me a little bit in a strange way miss being single. At the same time I know that can't go on forever and I'm getting closer to a big birthday, which makes me feel like it's time to settle down and start a family within the next few years (if that is in fact what I want, which I know I do). I've been warming up to the idea of having a baby. One of the friends I'm referencing has two kids! But she's separated from their Dad so she gets free nights. It seems that's the way to do it. Get married/in a serious relationship, have kids then split thus splitting kid time and getting freebie nights to live it up. That's how you have it all??
No, because I want love. Why do I feel like I'm teetering on this line? It's between fun girl nights, being single and meeting guys and falling in love, getting married, having a family and sharing my life with someone... which one sounds more meaningful? And really those single girlfriends of mine want that too; they're just not there, haven't met the right guy.
It's true we're not happy with what we have. They want what I have and a part of me misses what they have. Or maybe it's just a guilty feeling? Because I am happy. I am truly happy in this relationship I'm in and have never felt so reassured that this is right. It's for this reason that I want to spend as much time as I can with him. We make each other happy. It's just making that adjustment... that transition into coupledom. Making my evenings spent with him more about making dinner with him, talking/sharing with him rather than how I used to go out even on some week nights, drinking, staying out late... yeah it made for great stories and true we did some really stupid and dangerous things all in the name of alcohol and fun, but that's not me anymore. Sure I want to have girls nights and drink a reasonable amount and get home safely alone or to my boyfriend, but I'll just have to understand the fact that I will miss many nights of mayhem and I'll be ok with it because my time with him or with my family rather or even alone, just not taking part in that old craziness is cultivating something more and will hopefully lead to a even happier future.
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