The Smell of Autumn Reposted from 2007

~ The Smell of Autumn ~

August 29, 2007 at 2:59pm

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Labor day is just around the corner and soon to follow will be autumn. I love autumn. Notice I prefer to call it autumn rather than fall. It sounds sophisticated. I say the word autumn and memories flood my mind instantly.

First I envision the colors; the fiery reds, the golden yellows, deep browns and vibrant oranges. The trees are stunning that time of year here. The air is crisp and the breeze of autumn is an old and welcomed friend. An autumn wardrobe is warm and cozy, but a heavy down coat is not yet required.

There are pumpkins everywhere you turn and the stores are filled with festive decorations for the up coming months. Speaking of festivities, autumn marks the beginning of a long line of festive events that continue through the remainder the year. Labor day weekend is a last escape to the lake, a family/friend bar-b-que or just a long weekend spent a home sleeping in and watching movies. The Kansas City Irish Fest takes place over the holiday weekend and provides beer and bands, what could be better?

Then there's the kick off of the Kansas City Renaissance Festival, which runs through Columbus Day. Several "Oktoberfests" take place during September, go figure. Haunted Houses open for those who dare and those of us who love history of the 1800's in our area can attend Missouri Town 1855 for several activities throughout autumn and winter.

For my mom and I, autumn also marks the fall home tour. We love to see new designs and ideas for homes exterior and interior. Then we have an extravagant lunch and a drink while we chat about everything.


Autumn is the end of pre-season and the beginning of another hopeful season to end in February.

Of course autumn begins the holiday season as well, which if you know me at all you know that I am a huge fan of the holiday season. First, and separate really, is Halloween. I, of course, no longer participate in trick or treating, but I love passing out candy to the neighborhood kids. Then there are the costume parties with way too much drinking.
Thanksgiving comes next with its ridiculous amounts of food and yummy pies. I love spending time with the family, although until our twosome Thanksgiving in California last year I had been spending this holiday with my boyfriends’ family. It's nice to have somewhere to go though, getting in the car for what is suppose to be a 3 1/2 hour drive that turns into a 6 hour trip due to holiday traffic on I-70. You know with me in the car we are listening to holiday music all the way there. Not just Christmas music, I throw Adam Sandler's Thanksgiving song into the mix. I help decorate the tree with his mom and put lights up outside with his brothers. Peppermint Schnapps in my hot cocoa to get me through the big family get together...

Then there's the best holiday of all, Christmas. I don't love it because I of the gifts or the gift cards or the envelope of cash from my dad that will pay my personal property tax before January and any bills I have around plus a big after Christmas shopping trip with my best friend. I love it because it means I'll get to see most of my family at least once that year granted we're all alive and no one got married that year. I love the tradition of going to my Granny Ruth's on Christmas Eve. I flew half way across the country last year that day just to get there by dinner at 5pm. I love the tree, the smell of pine and apple cinnamon candles, the lights on the houses, the scarves, hats and gloves and the candle light service. Now on my own I spring for a real tree while my parents disappointingly enough have purchased a fake one. Finding the corresponding color for the corresponding hole isn't as much fun, but still I help thus I end up decorating several places, but of course I don't mind.


The thought of that time of year, even starting with autumn makes me blissfully happy. Maybe I'm extra sentimental this year since I missed out on so much last year. It doesn't feel like Thanksgiving when it's 70 degrees and sunny everyday and palm trees are swaying outside your window in the green grass. That fact that there was no family to share it with accentuated the lack of holiday spirit even further.

So as I said, I can't wait for autumn to officially begin. Hey that's about when all the good TV comes back on too (The Office!). Plus the humidity will die off!!! Don't get me wrong Spring and Summer are great too with the hiking, the float trips, the swimming, tanning, boating, tank tops and flip flops, but there's just something magical about the latter part of the year.

Shirley Jean - My MeMom

New season = new attempt at blogging.

Since my last post, my family suffered a major loss. Thursday, January 22nd my MeMom (my Dad's mom) suffered a massive stroke at the nursing home she was living in. Things looked dismal that evening, but she hung on until family could fly into town and on Monday, January 26th at around 9:20pm, after being off oxygen since that morning, she left us.

It's funny how things happen. I went to the hospital that evening noting that I did not see my aunt's car in the parking lot. I did see my uncle's rental however. When I got to her room the door was only just ajar enough so that I could see it was dimly lit inside. I lightly knocked, but I heard nothing from inside the room. I headed back to the elevator texting my mom that my aunt and cousin were longer there and that my uncle must have called it a night in the chair in MeMom's room. Just as I stepped into the elevator, my cousin whom I texted earlier letting her know I was stopping by replied to me saying they were picking up dinner and that our Uncle was in the room. She said I should hang out with him until they returned.
For the next twenty minutes I sat on the small plastic like couch in my MeMom's hospital room while my uncle sat next to me in a reclining chair going over the days events with me and what we could expect in the near future. He made a call to his wife, my aunt, who was still at their home in Seattle. While he talked to her about flying in, I texted my mom and listened to my MeMom's distressed breathing. Since I had been there that evening, there had been gaps of silence that I eventually got used to as she would start back up with the harsh tones coming from her throat. My uncle continued to talk through one of these silent periods, but after an extended measure of time, longer than the pauses that had come previously, my uncle interrupted his call telling my aunt not to worry, but that he thought he should end their call. He went over to MeMom when my aunt and cousin walked in the door. My cousin came over to me on the couch and gave me a tight squeeze as she sat next to me before my uncle interjected into our greetings and told us to come over to hold MeMom's hands. My aunt told her that it was ok and that she could go now. Then she left her earthly body, but was still there with us as we shed tears knowing how much we would miss this funny, big hearted woman. Then my aunt asked me to say a prayer. My cousin would joke later that despite being her daughter and standing right there as well, that they figured I was closest to getting to where our MeMom was headed anyway. On the spot and emotional, I said something like:

Dear God, we give you Shirley - 

a wonderful mother, grandmother and great grandmother. 

Take care of her. 

Let her be with her husband, her mother

and brothers and sisters

And watch over us always.

Amen. 

We were lucky to be there with her when she left this world and count ourselves so. Perfect timing. She was as tough and brave in that hospital as she was in life. Despite a massive stroke, she held on so that the people she loved and cared for most could not only come together to be at her bedside and say what they needed to say, but so that we could also come to terms with the inevitable as a family. 

My only hope is that the day we laid her to rest beside her husband is not the last day that our family all comes together like that. MeMom would smile to see us all together again. She was so proud of her family and I hope that we can make her proud again. 

To...

To let go of someone is hard.

To know when enough is enough.

To convince yourself deep down that they are not the last stop.

To change the plans you made in your head.

To block out the day dreams.

To be alone.

To start again.

To share your story with someone new.

To wait.

To see.

To kiss.

To fail.

To get back up.

To be open to finding it.

To be open to it finding you.

To learn.

To feel your heart race.

To fall.

To love.

To make love.

To be able to look back and realize your past was best left behind.

To look to the future. With them.

Maybe You Shouldn't Date

Most of the people I know are married or are getting married, but as for myself and and a couple of my girlfriends the right guy has yet to be found. Discussions with them and reading those dating posts on Facebook have brought me here to rant.

If you are out in the dating world and you can't be honest with the person you're seeing as to whether you like them or not, which is mainly shown through action - behavior when together, communication (text and/or calls), then you are not mature enough to date. At all. Period. If you're still seeking out rando people then perhaps your dating profile (if you have one) should state that you are looking for just a hook up. A unattached, never communicate again - except maybe for more 'ahem' - STD riddled sex.
Do not seek out men/women looking for a real, honest, trusting and hopefully lasting relationship.
If you are looking for the above however, and you find yourself with someone you're becoming less enthusiastic about then do not just stop responding to their calls, texts, social media messages, e mail, etc...that's the chicken shit way out. You justify it by just feeling annoyed by their out reaches to you, rolling your eyes at the notifications on your phone before hitting the sleep button and returning it to your pocket/purse. Meanwhile, this other person is left wondering what the hell is going on. At times they'll feel angry wondering why you're such an asshole/bitch suddenly because let's face, last time you were together you probably gave no indication that you weren't feeling it. Other times they'll feel sad wondering what they did wrong. If you're feeling that way, you did nothing wrong except for getting involved with an immature coward. Listen, not everyone is going to be your cup of tea, even if it started out nice. You get to know someone better and sometimes you realize they aren't for you. That's cool. What's not cool is dropping off the face of the planet because you can't manage to be a man/woman and tell this person, nicely, that you'd make better friends or that there's a lack of chemistry on your end. Yes, it is going to suck. Typically people don't like to hurt others and yes, sometimes the other person will not thank you politely and walk away, but will cry, scream and/or throw a tantrum. It doesn't matter, you owe them that honesty. It's the ripping off the band aid way. Slinking off into the abyss, dropping all communication is the slow agonizing way of eventually letting someone know you don't give a shit about them.

I did this on a first date recently. It got to the end of the night, we're standing at our cars and he asks the, "so can I call you again" question. I took a beat and said, "I don't think so". I explained how I knew now that he wasn't a fit for me. In this case, he only offered a single rebuttal then realizing it was futile, asked that I text when I had made it safely home and left. I did text him upon my return home and thanked him for the evening. He did the same and that was that. Granted this was an easy one date shoot down and once you've been seeing someone for a while it gets a little more complicated, but all the more reason to care enough for that persons feelings to be up front with them.