When your relationship reaches a new level and you're spending a lot of time together you're inevitably missing out on what your friends are doing. You know, those single gals you used to tear up the town with? Now it seems they're moving on without you, meeting other single girls to hang out with and meet men, but at the same time that's not your lifestyle anymore. What do you do?
It almost seems like you have to make a new set of friends, 'couple friends'. These seem like people who will understand when you want it to be just a you two night. They discuss their relationships and not how hot that guy is, who they slept with last night or who's bed they woke up in last weekend. That talk seems disturbing to me being a couple. Certainly not something I want discussed in front of the two of us.
My single friends don't seem terribly understanding of my wanting to have time with just my man and after two times of this I'm being talked about behind my back about how I ditch my girlfriends for my new boyfriend. This is not true. And I'm not saying I won't still see my girls and go out, but it makes me a little bit in a strange way miss being single. At the same time I know that can't go on forever and I'm getting closer to a big birthday, which makes me feel like it's time to settle down and start a family within the next few years (if that is in fact what I want, which I know I do). I've been warming up to the idea of having a baby. One of the friends I'm referencing has two kids! But she's separated from their Dad so she gets free nights. It seems that's the way to do it. Get married/in a serious relationship, have kids then split thus splitting kid time and getting freebie nights to live it up. That's how you have it all??
No, because I want love. Why do I feel like I'm teetering on this line? It's between fun girl nights, being single and meeting guys and falling in love, getting married, having a family and sharing my life with someone... which one sounds more meaningful? And really those single girlfriends of mine want that too; they're just not there, haven't met the right guy.
It's true we're not happy with what we have. They want what I have and a part of me misses what they have. Or maybe it's just a guilty feeling? Because I am happy. I am truly happy in this relationship I'm in and have never felt so reassured that this is right. It's for this reason that I want to spend as much time as I can with him. We make each other happy. It's just making that adjustment... that transition into coupledom. Making my evenings spent with him more about making dinner with him, talking/sharing with him rather than how I used to go out even on some week nights, drinking, staying out late... yeah it made for great stories and true we did some really stupid and dangerous things all in the name of alcohol and fun, but that's not me anymore. Sure I want to have girls nights and drink a reasonable amount and get home safely alone or to my boyfriend, but I'll just have to understand the fact that I will miss many nights of mayhem and I'll be ok with it because my time with him or with my family rather or even alone, just not taking part in that old craziness is cultivating something more and will hopefully lead to a even happier future.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Friday, December 9, 2011
ADCD
Wow... I am a slacker. Way to follow through with my blog. No wonder it sucks so bad. The inconsistency alone is enough to turn people away. Inconsistency in posts/timing, not topic. My by line suggests my tendency to be random. That's just me people.
Ok on to an actual blog. Perhaps I'll do more than one today. Ooooo.... Aaaah.
So, confession: I have ADCD. What is ADCD you ask? I'm glad you did. It's Attention Deficit Cleaning Disorder and I suffer from it pretty severely. Don't worry I'm able to keep from being medicated and live as close to a normal life as you possibly can with such a chaotic disease.
You see it starts in the bathroom, as all good cleaning sessions do, as they are the most straight forward to clean. Toilet needs scrubbing, sink needs detoothpasting and dehairing, shower needs wiped down, floor needs sweeping and mirror needs Windex... simple right? Not much room for error or roaming? Alas, I forget a cleaning agent, which is under the sink in the KITCHEN. Don don don. Getting to the kitchen means walking through the living room, which I suddenly notice needs vacuuming NOW. It can't possibly wait another moment. So I grab the vacuum and since I'm doing the living room I might as well do the entire apartment. I end in the bedroom, turn off the vacuum and low and behold the sheets need changing so I strip the bed and as I do I notice there's clean clothes in the basket while a pile of dirty clothes lays on the floor. So I begin putting away said clean clothes. As I put away undies and socks I notice a thick layer of dust on my dresser. This won't do. So I head back under the kitchen sink to retrieve the Pledge, but as I do I spy the toilet bowl cleaner I had left the bathroom for earlier. A thought comes to mind. I will squirt in the toilet bowl cleaner because what toilet bowl cleaner doesn't need to sit for a good 30 minutes and I'll fold the blankets on the couch and put the pillows back in their place. I passed that damn living room again on the way from the bedroom to get the Pledge that I have now forgotten about. So now I'm loading the dishwasher, which I'm sure you're wondering how that happened... well I was under the kitchen sink people and as I rose up from squatting at under kitchen sink cabinet level, I noticed there were dirty dishes in and next to the sink. As I close the dishwasher door and I think, "damn I started in the bathroom like 45 minutes ago, I should go finish that first".
So I enter the bathroom, stand for a moment perplexed at where I left off as I go through the above bathroom cleaning checklist in my head. Duh! I needed Windex!
You can see where this going, so I'll spare you more detail. Be rest assured that I do eventually get some of the cleaning I intended to do done. Just not all one room is entirely cleaned to my minds standards and when I mention my minds standards, I am referring to the mind set I had going into the cleaning project. Since then I have wandered from room to room performing various seemingly urgent tasks in each, which leads me to another area, a good song has come on the radio that I had to stop and dance to and while the next song wasn't as good I figure why not keep a good thing going and burn a few cal and then my cell rang. At this point my cleaning mindset had pretty much gone to hell. So if you speak to me frequently while I am at home and ever wonder why I am consistently (I knew I was consistent at something) saying, "I'm cleaning", this is why. It's an endless task for me.
Ok on to an actual blog. Perhaps I'll do more than one today. Ooooo.... Aaaah.
So, confession: I have ADCD. What is ADCD you ask? I'm glad you did. It's Attention Deficit Cleaning Disorder and I suffer from it pretty severely. Don't worry I'm able to keep from being medicated and live as close to a normal life as you possibly can with such a chaotic disease.
You see it starts in the bathroom, as all good cleaning sessions do, as they are the most straight forward to clean. Toilet needs scrubbing, sink needs detoothpasting and dehairing, shower needs wiped down, floor needs sweeping and mirror needs Windex... simple right? Not much room for error or roaming? Alas, I forget a cleaning agent, which is under the sink in the KITCHEN. Don don don. Getting to the kitchen means walking through the living room, which I suddenly notice needs vacuuming NOW. It can't possibly wait another moment. So I grab the vacuum and since I'm doing the living room I might as well do the entire apartment. I end in the bedroom, turn off the vacuum and low and behold the sheets need changing so I strip the bed and as I do I notice there's clean clothes in the basket while a pile of dirty clothes lays on the floor. So I begin putting away said clean clothes. As I put away undies and socks I notice a thick layer of dust on my dresser. This won't do. So I head back under the kitchen sink to retrieve the Pledge, but as I do I spy the toilet bowl cleaner I had left the bathroom for earlier. A thought comes to mind. I will squirt in the toilet bowl cleaner because what toilet bowl cleaner doesn't need to sit for a good 30 minutes and I'll fold the blankets on the couch and put the pillows back in their place. I passed that damn living room again on the way from the bedroom to get the Pledge that I have now forgotten about. So now I'm loading the dishwasher, which I'm sure you're wondering how that happened... well I was under the kitchen sink people and as I rose up from squatting at under kitchen sink cabinet level, I noticed there were dirty dishes in and next to the sink. As I close the dishwasher door and I think, "damn I started in the bathroom like 45 minutes ago, I should go finish that first".
So I enter the bathroom, stand for a moment perplexed at where I left off as I go through the above bathroom cleaning checklist in my head. Duh! I needed Windex!
You can see where this going, so I'll spare you more detail. Be rest assured that I do eventually get some of the cleaning I intended to do done. Just not all one room is entirely cleaned to my minds standards and when I mention my minds standards, I am referring to the mind set I had going into the cleaning project. Since then I have wandered from room to room performing various seemingly urgent tasks in each, which leads me to another area, a good song has come on the radio that I had to stop and dance to and while the next song wasn't as good I figure why not keep a good thing going and burn a few cal and then my cell rang. At this point my cleaning mindset had pretty much gone to hell. So if you speak to me frequently while I am at home and ever wonder why I am consistently (I knew I was consistent at something) saying, "I'm cleaning", this is why. It's an endless task for me.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
November is Here?!?
October was quite a month. Ended one relationship and began a .... something. Was cast in a show. Made some memories. Ended it all with Monday Night Football on Halloween!
Tailgating was insane! Inside everyone was pumped and the Chiefs won in overtime!
Now is it 11-1-11. I ran through the dial on the radio on the way into work and didn't hear any Christmas music yet.
Looking forward to Thanksgiving and Christmas actually. I wasn't sure if I would this year after all the hell I've gone through, but I have walked away and not looked back and I'm happy. I'm truly considering getting a real Christmas tree for my little apartment. I may not be able to walk across my living room, but it will smell of pine and make me smile. Oh yeah and we could see snow early as tomorrow....whaaaa?
Tailgating was insane! Inside everyone was pumped and the Chiefs won in overtime!
Now is it 11-1-11. I ran through the dial on the radio on the way into work and didn't hear any Christmas music yet.
Looking forward to Thanksgiving and Christmas actually. I wasn't sure if I would this year after all the hell I've gone through, but I have walked away and not looked back and I'm happy. I'm truly considering getting a real Christmas tree for my little apartment. I may not be able to walk across my living room, but it will smell of pine and make me smile. Oh yeah and we could see snow early as tomorrow....whaaaa?
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Back on Stage!
And my goodness you have no idea how good it feels to be back up there!
I have been cast as Sugar Lee Thompkins in The Hallelujah Girls. We just finished our second week of rehearsals and tuesday night we ripped off the "kissing scene" band aid. It's really not that big of deal, but it's like the anticipation gets the better of you. This is supposed to be a passionate moment between these two characters and the theatre is small so there is no room for "miss kiss". I'm sure I'll get somewhat nervous before each kiss, but it will get easier.
The show runs December 1 - 3 and 8 - 10.
I have been cast as Sugar Lee Thompkins in The Hallelujah Girls. We just finished our second week of rehearsals and tuesday night we ripped off the "kissing scene" band aid. It's really not that big of deal, but it's like the anticipation gets the better of you. This is supposed to be a passionate moment between these two characters and the theatre is small so there is no room for "miss kiss". I'm sure I'll get somewhat nervous before each kiss, but it will get easier.
The show runs December 1 - 3 and 8 - 10.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Seconds
It doesn't take a year, a month, a week, a day or even a half hour to change your life. It only takes seconds for a doctor to tell you, you have cancer. Seconds for the man of your dreams to ask you the question that will make you his for eternity. Seconds to look at that tester to see if there's a line to tell you your going to become three. Seconds for your lover to tell you goodbye forever. The after effects of these mear seconds last lifetimes.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
I Love Photos
I wish I could say I have a better camera, but I don't. A good camera is an investment and it's one I can't afford to make right now. I know what I would get...or at least I knew what I would get 2 years ago, but technology with gadgets like digital cameras, cell phones and computers changes so rapidly you can't keep up.
Anyway, a facebook friend recently posted some fun (might I even dare say "quirky") abstract like pictures of objects and it got me to thinking about photos I have previously taken and how I would like to take more. Unlike some people who dream up ideas about making photography their career, I do it for me. I'm just an all around creative person in general whose most creative passion lies in acting. I'll give you an example of why I say I like photography for me. Being creative, I also like to paint. Mind you, I'm not painting faces and stunning masterpieces, but fun colors in abstract pieces of work. I painted one such painting a few years ago in autumn colors of browns and oranges. That autumn I went out taking snap shots of the fall foliage. I'm a huge autumn fan!! Two of the photos I hung up on opposite side of my painting coming down my staircase in my townhome at the time. So when people were over and commented on the art in my home I could take great pride and say, "Thanks! I painted that myself and took those photos and had them framed."
My art work is MINE. Why have only others art work in your home. It is after all your home. And it can be whatever you feel comfortable with like metal art, wood carvings, sketches, poetry neatly printed on parchment paper and framed in the hall, etc.
Well, I'm going to share previous photos I have taken and then I hope to soon set out on a little Jenn adventure like I used to do with much more frequency and take some new snap shots to add to my portfolio.
Speaking of art work, I took a couple pictures of some of my favorite pieces at our local art gallery a few years back:
Anyway, a facebook friend recently posted some fun (might I even dare say "quirky") abstract like pictures of objects and it got me to thinking about photos I have previously taken and how I would like to take more. Unlike some people who dream up ideas about making photography their career, I do it for me. I'm just an all around creative person in general whose most creative passion lies in acting. I'll give you an example of why I say I like photography for me. Being creative, I also like to paint. Mind you, I'm not painting faces and stunning masterpieces, but fun colors in abstract pieces of work. I painted one such painting a few years ago in autumn colors of browns and oranges. That autumn I went out taking snap shots of the fall foliage. I'm a huge autumn fan!! Two of the photos I hung up on opposite side of my painting coming down my staircase in my townhome at the time. So when people were over and commented on the art in my home I could take great pride and say, "Thanks! I painted that myself and took those photos and had them framed."
My art work is MINE. Why have only others art work in your home. It is after all your home. And it can be whatever you feel comfortable with like metal art, wood carvings, sketches, poetry neatly printed on parchment paper and framed in the hall, etc.
Well, I'm going to share previous photos I have taken and then I hope to soon set out on a little Jenn adventure like I used to do with much more frequency and take some new snap shots to add to my portfolio.
Speaking of art work, I took a couple pictures of some of my favorite pieces at our local art gallery a few years back:
The latter photo, Lion, was constructed of pentelic marble in 325 B.C. in Greece. He guarded a cemetery in the countryside of Athens over 2,000 years ago. The Lion weighs in at 3,000 pounds! and it is approximated that he was carved in six months to a year. What I find truly fascinating is the incredible detail in the muscular structure of the statue. There are protruding vein lines and strong curved edges throughout his body. It's truly a magnificent piece.
The previous photo is another favorite piece of mine that has an unknown name, but I tend to call it the fallen angels. The museum refers to this piece as Fall of the Rebel Angels, constructed sometime in the early 18th century. It is made of ivory. Again here, the detail is even more astonishing then that of the Lion. So intricate on such a small scale. I can't imagine the patience on the artist of this work. I also love that it tells a story, one every Christian is familiar with. It suggests a sense of "loosing ones faith", falling into damnation and struggling with temptation.
These two pieces at my local museum are two extremely powerful creations. They both have been at the museum for quite a while and I always look forward to seeing them and studying them and learning more.
I don't feel I need to justify my photos, but I will say I like the sense of both
movement and being stationary in this photo taken during our local
Oktoberfest celebration.
I never paid close attention to what was actually happening in this statue
until I took this photo.
"Fading Time"
"White Switch"
"First Signs of Autumn"
"Small Town American Pride"
"Rear View"
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Entertainment Update!
Ok, so I've mentioned a few times here that I am an actress and model. I love all things creative. I haven't done it in a while since I'm in a small apartment now, but I used to paint from time to time. Pretty abstract, I'm not good like that to paint faces and such, but it's fun and in the end I have something to show for it just for me.
Anyway, I know I mentioned my shows at the end of last year that all overlapped in some way. I was in hell week then performance of A Flea in Her Ear at a dinner theatre, while beginning blocking and being fitted for my costume for A Woman in Black that showed the weekend after 'Flea' closed and I also was starting read throughs and blocking of Farndales version of A Christmas Carol. Whew! What a crazy three months that was on top of working two jobs, walking in 3 runway shows, having numerous photo shoots, family events, breaking up with my boyfriend of 7 years!!! and moving days before Christmas!
And even then I only took a week and half break having auditioned for Premiere! prior to the holiday and being cast with blocking to begin right after New Years. Following Premiere's performances in February, I auditioned for and was cast in Dixie Swim Club as Jeri Neal, the nun turned mother, turned cougar.
I had a couple weeks rest with one of those weeks being spent on Lido Island off the coast of Sarasota, FL then I came back to one night a week rehearsals for just three short weeks prior to this Saturdays One Act performance over the course of the day during a towns Art Festival.
Also in the middle of this I spent a day filming the easiest parts of the short film, My Own Words, in a small town nearly 2 hours away. The rest of the film will be shot over a weekend in late June.
I had a shoot this past Sunday and the only other one I have scheduled so far is in mid-July so after stage acting this weekend and filming later this month, I don't have much else on my plate aside from work and family.
In a way it's bittersweet. I know I need a break. I haven't had a real break for a year and a half and I'll admit I've been slacking. I need to recharge and go back to acting with all the passion I do really have for the craft. Unfortunately for me, acting is a side gig, hobby, strict passion as I'm not currently making a living off of it. So it's easy to get burned out in general when you also have a full time job and other commitments. I've neglected seeing my family as much and so now is the time to visit with them.
In the fall there will be plenty of acting opportunities in local theatres and I'd like to be jazzed up for those.
I'll never quit acting altogether. It's my breath, it's my life, my soul and I'll always seek out opportunities to get on stage. I do wish it could be my living, but even if it's not I'll keep on performing. We do it because we love it!
Anyway, I know I mentioned my shows at the end of last year that all overlapped in some way. I was in hell week then performance of A Flea in Her Ear at a dinner theatre, while beginning blocking and being fitted for my costume for A Woman in Black that showed the weekend after 'Flea' closed and I also was starting read throughs and blocking of Farndales version of A Christmas Carol. Whew! What a crazy three months that was on top of working two jobs, walking in 3 runway shows, having numerous photo shoots, family events, breaking up with my boyfriend of 7 years!!! and moving days before Christmas!
And even then I only took a week and half break having auditioned for Premiere! prior to the holiday and being cast with blocking to begin right after New Years. Following Premiere's performances in February, I auditioned for and was cast in Dixie Swim Club as Jeri Neal, the nun turned mother, turned cougar.
I had a couple weeks rest with one of those weeks being spent on Lido Island off the coast of Sarasota, FL then I came back to one night a week rehearsals for just three short weeks prior to this Saturdays One Act performance over the course of the day during a towns Art Festival.
Also in the middle of this I spent a day filming the easiest parts of the short film, My Own Words, in a small town nearly 2 hours away. The rest of the film will be shot over a weekend in late June.
I had a shoot this past Sunday and the only other one I have scheduled so far is in mid-July so after stage acting this weekend and filming later this month, I don't have much else on my plate aside from work and family.
In a way it's bittersweet. I know I need a break. I haven't had a real break for a year and a half and I'll admit I've been slacking. I need to recharge and go back to acting with all the passion I do really have for the craft. Unfortunately for me, acting is a side gig, hobby, strict passion as I'm not currently making a living off of it. So it's easy to get burned out in general when you also have a full time job and other commitments. I've neglected seeing my family as much and so now is the time to visit with them.
In the fall there will be plenty of acting opportunities in local theatres and I'd like to be jazzed up for those.
I'll never quit acting altogether. It's my breath, it's my life, my soul and I'll always seek out opportunities to get on stage. I do wish it could be my living, but even if it's not I'll keep on performing. We do it because we love it!
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