The Body Dilemma

Today I've been reading other blogs about fitness, diets, weight loss, weight GAIN (as in wanting to gain weight). I know it sounds horrible to think this way, but reading about people needing/wanting to gain weight makes me feel like, "oh poor sad you having to gain weight...must be real rough b*tch". Ok, that was just honesty. Sorry. I'm not even an overweight person, nor have I ever been overweight, but I have been body conscious for as long as I can remember.

I have never really been happy with the way I look. The closest I've come to feeling positive about my size was last winter. Even then I didn't really appreciate how much smaller I had gotten. I still wanted to lose just a little more and I thought then I would be happy. I remember thinking I was near the size I would want to be on my wedding day. Now I look back and think damn I was thin and should have been happy and most importantly I should have stayed there! Also I think, "sucks I was thinnest during the coldest months. Couldn't have happened over bikini season, could it?"

At the time I was going through a lot of stress, emotions, relationship issues and I was eating smaller portions, which I realize is why I am inching my way back up to my former weight. Recently I've been thinking that the gym time and miles logged running would get me back into my size 4 jeans (I'm 5'10") alone, but what I haven't been controlling is my eating habits. Not only have I been eating larger portions, but I haven't been eating as healthy. I need to get a grip! I blame my schedule with two jobs, play rehearsal, gym, family/friends and a need to clean my townhome. I'm on the go a lot of the time. Every time I put on a pair of jeans I get depressed. I don't want to put on the size 6's or 8's!! I want to give them away and never need them again!

That's me on Christmas Eve 2009 in my size 4 jeans. 

Hmm...at the moment I don't really have any 3/4 or full length pictures of me that have been taken recently. There's a reason for that. 

Ok, I'm going to work on my eating habits and be strong! Will power! 

Why SO Sleepy???

I have sleep issues.
Last night I believe I fell asleep by 11:30pm because I'm sure I dozed off during Family Guy and woke up some time later to turn off the tv and go back to sleeping. I hit snooze several times this morning and woke up around 7am to get ready for work. I've had at least 3 cups of coffee, but I have been so sleepy this morning! Why? At one point I just had to sit back in my chair and shut my eyes for a few minutes. I got like 7 hours of sleep, which is like AMAZING for me. I think my body demands more sleep, but it doesn't want to go to sleep at night when it should to get the proper amount of sleep for function normally.
Again, last night I got home from rehearsal by 9:30, washed my face, got in my pj's, but I didn't even bother laying in bed yet because I knew I would just lay there unable to fall asleep anytime soon. I had to gather up the trash anyway as today is trash day. Since I waited to get into bed until the latter half of King of Queens (btw I like never watch tv. I have to watch shows I'm interested in online and the only time the tv is on in my house is when the morning news is on in the background while I get ready for work) and shut off my brain it really only took me 30 or so minutes to get to sleep.
Normally there's so much going on in my evenings that I can't even think about getting near my bed until 11pm.

Lets face it, we just don't have enough time. We're at work until 5pm and then we only have after the evening commute to bedtime to live our real lives and that's not even our real lives, that condensed time where you're making, eating and cleaning up dinner, showering, maybe doing laundry, cleaning the house, etc...is that really living? Ok, so the weekends is when we're living? Maybe, but still that gets condensed as well because most people do their laundry on the weekends and cleaning and grocery shopping and other various errands and chores.

How my lack of sleep turned into this I'm not sure, but it's something I think about ever so often. In America we spend more time working than other nations and have no more to show for it. We have shorter maternity leave, less vacation time, longer hours and no siesta yet we make less money than our European counterparts who make free time a more valuable asset to their everyday lives. It makes me think, what are we busting our asses for? Now more than ever Americans are working longer hours, more than one job and taking less vacation time.

When do we LIVE? Work is the time in between my living. A chunk of time robbed of us everyday.

I'll think on this more while I run to the gym over my lunch break since I have rehearsal after work and have to get to bed sometime after that only to wake up and do it again tomorrow until the weekend arrives.

I Can Do Many Things...One of Them is Cooking

Most bloggers have blogs dedicated to specific interests, topics and expertise. Not I.

My blog is to be just as random as I am. I could create one blog for my theatre on goings. I could have another with a fitness theme as I regularly go to the gym, run in local races, struggle with eating right and try to balance all this with a busy lifestyle. A food blog could be a possibility for me as I go through cooking/baking spells. Alas, I have settled for one blog (at least for the time being) with many wide ranging topics. Thus this photo:

This is the second time this beginning of autumn season that I have made potato soup. The first go around produced a decent soup, but this second batch was even better. The recipe is simple and adjustable for your liking.

6 Tbsp. unsalted butter
1 onion chopped
1 c celery chopped
8 potatoes peeled and cubed
2 c water/ 2 c chicken broth
4 Tbsp flour
2 1/3 c milk

In a large pot sauté onion and celery in butter until tender.
Add potatoes, water and chicken broth. Bring to a boil then simmer until potatoes are tender.
In separate bowl mix together flour and milk until flour is nearly dissolved.
Add milk/flour to pot stirring continuously.

That is the gist of it, but different individuals may add different seasonings and such to enhance the flavor for them. I added garlic salt and pepper.

I have really been on a cooking kick lately, as time allows. I baked peanut butter cookies last week and took them to my second rehearsal for my fellow cast members to munch on. They enjoyed them and it was requested that I bring more back.

Now don't get the idea that I'm very domesticated because you would be so far off. True, I have had few blunders, but I attribute that to not being a total moron. I can read and follow written instructions. I made blueberry scones a few weeks ago even though I wasn't sure what "folding" was and they turned out pretty good.

I have successfully made several Thanksgiving dinners. Yummy Yam Casserole went over well two years ago at my Thanksgiving.

Ok, that will do it for this food portion of my blog for now.

Going It Alone

I get these e mails from http://www.ivillage.com ever so often and the one this morning included the article "10 Things Every Woman Must Try at Least Once". Some suggestions I found silly, probably because they didn't really apply to me like "Kick Celebrity Addiction", for women who follow TMZ and Entertainment Tonight religiously.
Others were easier said than done such as "Work Your Dream Job". I would love to work my dream job. I'm young, unmarried, childless and talented, but I find it a little difficult in a lousy economy to risk my current job in search for something that might not be out there to grab. Especially considering the credit card bills, students loans, rent, utilities, gas, groceries...(I could go on and on) that everyone has to be responsible for. Alas, this topic of the "dream job" i.e. career, may be for another post.
Before I get to the idea that ivillage produced, that provoked me to author this post, the final point did pique my interest. The Rabbit, under which it simply stated, "just try it, trust us". I'll leave it at that...


One of the 10 did stick with me: "Book a Dream Vacation - Go Alone If You Have To". Ok, lets decipher this to fit our lives more practically. The first part is what I take issue with. Most of us when asked what our dream vacation would be, takes us overseas to various locations in Europe, an exotic local in Asia, down under or an island in the pacific. True, some may site an exciting US city like Los Angeles or New York or they may mention a beach in Florida, but I'm sure few people would call a hour drive north of there home as a dream vacation. Of course, that may be what it is in your price range. So when I thought about this vacation idea I made it just that, a vacation - an enjoyable one, but not the grand vacation and one that I might prefer to take alone.

This brings us to the second part of the articles suggestion. "Go Alone If You Have To". I have planned numerous vacations over the last couple years since my last vacation to Florida. Some I knew would never really happen, it was fun to simply plan. Others were intended to be taken, but for whatever reason whether it be expenses, travel partners bailing, scheduling conflicts or whatever they were not experienced. Attempting to travel with a companion can keep you from making the trip, at least it has in my case. So when I came across this suggestion of taking a trip alone I thought, why not?

I knew right away which trip in my "someday" binder filed under the vacation tab to take. It wouldn't be extravagant or overly expensive and it would be more about seeing the scenery and experiencing the places than tourist attractions and theme parks, which I'd rather have a friend along to do those things. The dilemma that comes to mind as I type this and get excited about the idea is one I mentioned earlier: scheduling. You see this trip requires that you take it a certain time of year. About this time of year actually and autumn, while it is my favorite time of year (another post) it is also my busiest time of the year. I have many commitments from now into November and by then it would be too late for this trip. Seeing as how I am already committed I would have to wait until next fall and that thought disheartens me. Not only is it an entire year away, but I know to avoid the same issue next time around I would have to give up some of my typical autumn activities. I may have to think on this some more. I still very much so want to make this trip. I'll have to figure out how to make it happen.

As I sit here and contemplate some more, I say to myself, "I'll make it happen!"

Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

If you thought this blog posting would be about the film Casablanca, prepare to be disappointed - or not, depending on your point of view.

This is to be my first of possibly few to many blogs. We'll see how it goes. Like everyone else in the world I feel I have something to say. Whether or not others choose to listen in is up to them. Whether or not I truly have something worthwhile to say is up to me. Some posts may be worth it, some may be complete crap. Like I said, we'll see how it goes.

Making this blog in and of itself was a slight pain in the ass (oh! Already Julia Child would not be a fan of this blog). Turns out after filling in the initial create a blog page, I was reminded I already had a google account, which is linked to blogger and thus I needed my sign in information from who knows how long ago when I apparently created a google account. Makes me wonder what other accounts I have floating about out there in cyber space that I've forgotten about. So I have the password sent to my inbox and start all over again. Then there was some confusion between a display name and a blogger title, but I think I've figured that out and will make the appropriate changes...when I get around it it.

That brings me to the change from my typical display name, KCbarbie. This display name came about years ago during which time I worked at a retail store where some co-workers and eventually costumers came to call me Barbie. This is due to the length of my blonde hair, which flows to the bottom of my back. Blue eyes, slender build and being 5'10" don't hurt either. When creating my first networking page at the urge of friends, I was faced with the first display name dilemma. At the suggestion of a friend I entered the name Barbie knowing that the page would inevitably inform me that this name had been taken. Then rather than adding a number to the end of the name suggesting I was Barbie number 343, I decided to add location to the name. That is how KCbarbie came to be my display name, user name, log in for many websites to come. For this site it is not my display name partly because it sounds pretentious.

The Beautifully Quirky title will make sense eventually.

Well, there's my first blog posting. Nothing earth shattering. There's more of a specific reason of why I started this blog and that will materialize as I get the hang of this. Until then there may be a few "starter blog posts" as a warm up.