Week 5 of 24 Weeks

I am in the middle of my fifth week of marathon training. Everything is going smoothly (aside from left shin pain :( ). I'm even waking up early to run in the mornings before getting ready for work! I had to essentially. I get heat sick so running over my lunch hour was a no and running after work finally became a no go too. I have done a couple of late night runs, but overall morning runs have been the way to go. I wouldn't say I am a morning person now by any means. I hit snooze, roll out of bed in my jogging gear, splash cold water on my face and am out the door. My first miles have been "wake up miles" at a sad (for me) 11 minute/mile pace. Then I make up for it in subsequent miles.
I'm trying to add more gym time aside from the alloted cross training day in the middle of each week. Distance running can deteriorate your muscles if you're not weight lifting as well.
My new favorite breakfast protein shake consists of Skippy Naturals dark chocolate peanut butter, a banana, almond milk, plain greek yogurt, fiber powder and vanilla whey protein. Better than a Sonic shake! Yummy!
So there's a quick update. CANNOT wait for the World Cup to begin next week!!! Go U.S.A.!!!! For Club and Country!

Happy Nation Running Day!!!

Marathon Training

So I signed up for my cities marathon about a month ago. After I crossed the half marathon finish line last fall I was pretty sure I would be doing the full 26.2 this year.
I looked up several different training schedules, but I ended up going with the Coach feature on my Nike + Running app on my phone. The program runs for 24 weeks leading me right up to my marathon date. Each week has a specific goal heading like "Warm-up", "Fundamentals" and "Build A Base", which are the first three weeks of the training. Your weeks not only include the milage of your runs, but also cross training and rest days. It gives basic suggestions for cross training days like biking, swimming and elliptical, but I decided to dig a little deeper. My first cross training day workout (that I just finished) will be below. By the time it is all said and done I will have covered nearly 700 miles to my marathon goal. I am more than excited (and a little bit scared) for this journey.

This week has been easy so far for me seeing that I have been used to running several miles most days of the week from maintaining over the colder months.
Monday I did a 4 mile fartlek run. I know weird name, right? Fartleks are basically alternating between a faster and slower pace through the bulk of your run with a warm up and cool down. This is a speed workout to help you build strength and endurance.
Tuesday was an easy and comfortably paced 5K (3.1mi) to keep me fresh for my XT (cross train) day in the gym today.

Wednesday XT Workout:
Planks 3-5 reps holding for 1 minute each
Lower Body Russian Twists 10 to 12 reps
Scorpion 30 seconds each leg
Back Extensions with Stability Ball 10 to 12 reps
Kettlebell Squats with Overhead Press 10 to 12 reps
Overhead Lunge 6 to 8 reps on each leg
Stability Ball Jackknife 10 to 12 reps
Stability Ball Hip Extension 10 to 12 reps
Rotational Shoulder Press 10 to 12 reps
Alternating Dumbbell Row 10 to 12 reps

I repeated the above set 2 times (normally I would do 3 sets, but I was on lunch)

Cool Down Flexibility Moves:
Arm Swings
Leg Swings
Bridges (on stability ball)
Single Leg Stretches
Butterfly

Tomorrow is another 3.1 mile run and Fridays long run is only 5 miles before a rest day Saturday (where I will go for a brisk walk)!

Happy Fitness!!!

Pain to Hope

It is four days into Spring and I am watching the snow fall outside my office window. I don't so much mind the grey, chilly day that is accompanying the snow. In fact, it is almost a comfort. The last few days I have felt a little empty inside, maybe even a little lost with ever so many questions on my mind. I silence them to the best of my ability though. What's the use in indulging in wonder and worry? Time reveals what is to come to pass.

Anyone in pain knows how annoying it can be to hear phrases like that about time. Such as, "time heals all wounds". "Just give it time." Just as we know hearing those phrases can be irritating, we also know that they are true. I believe that perhaps we never live so much so in the present as we do when we are in pain. It feels like there is no escape. It's difficult to see tomorrow and the past only ignites the pain with memories of someone or something lost. It is when we are in pain that we tend to call on certain people in lives more so than any other time and it is sadly when we tend to pray more so than when things are going good in our lives. I try to make it a point to pray at happy points in my life and to express my thanks, but I am afraid I call on my Father more often than not in times of doubt, worry and sadness. I cry, I get angry, I say, "why me?" How selfish of a prayer is that? My guilt kicks in before I am through and I always make sure to name off some things I am thankful for to give thanks to Him and to remind myself that I do have other things in my life to be happy about.

This reminds me of something I have come across a few times recently while reading about passionate and creative people. If I am anything in this life, I am passionate. It is evident when I am on stage, working on a project I care about, with my family and friends, in love and in pain. I realize loving a passionate person is not easy to do and not for everyone. Boy, do I know this. In my readings I noticed the mention of keeping a gratitude journal several times. This ties in with my reminding myself what I am thankful for when I choose to speak to God. A gratitude journal could be a great way to look back at different things I have been thankful for over time. It could bring me joy in times of hardship. It could be a good reminder of my ever evolving world.

So while it might be overcast and snowing outside my window, I am thankful that I am here to see it. I am hopeful that one day, on a day like today, I will be leaving my office to enjoy watching the snowfall   in the arms of the man that I am in love with and he in love with me.

Randomish Thoughts

Sigh... wish we could erase some of the past. Both in yours and mine.

Don't say anything that you would rather I not remember.

I hate the word "attractive" when you are referencing others.

At-ttrac-tive: (of a person) appealing to look at; sexually alluring... in short - someone you want to fuck. In other words, makes me rethink this.

Who is attractive to me? The person I am with. End of story.

I should feel the same from my partner.

People, be happy with what you have. If you are not happy with what you have (you are looking elsewhere) then show respect for the person you're with and walk away. They deserve better than you're looking. I don't care if there was no acting upon.

It's not all bad. The thoughts above I have had for a long, long time and discussed with people I've been in relationships with.

You said you didn't cheat. You said you never wanted to. The latter of that eased me more so after having come after the initial statement.

So maybe you agree with my seventh thought here...

That would win me over.

I want so much out of this life that involves mine being intertwined with another. My thoughts keep that from happening.

Find a like minded partner.

Noted.

Asking too much?

No such thing.

Happy thoughts.

Your kisses keep me guessing. Slow, soft kisses that send chills along my skin. Fast, hard, hot kisses that can lead to more...or more kisses. Smoochy pecks in between. Kisses that go from my mouth to ear to neck and then back to my mouth. They're all my favorite.

Roaming hands are also a favorite of mine.

My fingers in your hair while we kiss or make love. That's a reserved intimate move for me. Not for just anyone.

Feeling one thing while feeling another.

Questioning.

Wanting.

Hoping.

Daydreaming. Like all the time. Daydreaming. Of you.

Excitement every time my cell chimes.

A little bummed when it's someone else.

Happiness is you calling me any pet name lately.

Wanting to look good. In general.

Having a goal.

Running. Sweet freedom.

Acting. There's no other rush like it.

Posting this without caring what you think of me. Talk to me. Shut me out.

As soon as I typed "shut me out", I made a wish that you wouldn't. Ever.

My life - not yet complete, but this is not a bad thing. I say it in a hopeful manner. I'm excited for what's to come. To be proven wrong in what I learned from the men I was with. To be happy. Simply happy.

WTH Am I Doing?

Someday I will be consistent with this blog. I think I'm going to make a bet with myself that for now I will attempt at least one post a week. I'm guessing my posts will mainly consist of theatre and running related topics as these are the activities consuming my world currently. My mind is all over the place though, so don't hold me to that. There's something else...or I should say someone else, on my mind these days too. So that might get slipped in.
At a dinner party this past weekend, someone asked me what my blog was about. I sited my tagline.

For now, I am currently kicking off "Hell Week" for my current show, "Fertilizer". Hell week is the week leading up to a show that consists of technical and dress rehearsals. We are completely off book and on our own now. No calling for lines from the stage manager. If you blank, you either hope your fellow actors will help you out or you wing it. "Show conditions people", as the director would say. These are the rehearsals where we take all of the dialogue and blocking that we have learned and we make our character our own. I love these rehearsals. I think about the audience reactions that are to come in just a few short days. I thrive off audience reaction. You hold for laughs so no dialogue is lost, you hear the gasps of shock when they've pieced something together and you feel the change of atmosphere as they sob. Every show is different! Responses vary from audience to audience.
We will run for two weekends then I will have three days before rehearsals for my next show will begin.

The rehearsal schedule for "Let's Murder Marsha" will be much more intense as we only have a month before we open. I look to have a rehearsal every week night in March as opposed to our regular Monday/Tuesday schedule leading up to hell week.
So far, I have nothing planned right after the close of LMM and I believe I will need a little break.

Yesterday I auditioned for a show that will perform at the Fringe Festival in July. I should hear something from them over the next two weeks.

Well, I'm about to work on my other activity, running. It's sunny and warmer today than it has been, but it sounds awfully windy.

Goals

Resolutions seem to always fail and just because we are in January of a new year does not mean that what I aspire to accomplish this year has to be referred to as such. I'm always making small goals for myself whether it be in my performing, my wanting to stay physically fit or strengthening my relationships.

This time last year I announced my goal to run the half marathon at the Kansas City Marathon in October. By May I finally got up the guts to register (on half off the half day :) - those of you who know my frugality will understand) and prepare myself. I ran on weekdays, weekends, mornings, evenings and on vacation. I had done 11 races, including 5K's, an 8K, a 10K and 2 several mile mud obstacle courses, by my half marathon race day. It was hovering around freezing that morning when two of my friends picked me up to drive me to the race and cheer me on. I don't ever remember feeling nervous that morning. There was no going back and I knew I could do this.

The amount of people was crazy. I wasn't even inside the barricades when the gun went off and several minutes went by before anyone around me was able to start moving. Approaching the mat at the start line where my chip timer would begin gave me an adrenaline rush that would last until mile 11 of the race. I just took it all in really. The race started off with us running through downtown so I enjoyed the views then listened to the music that overpowered my iPhone tunes from performers along the street. It wasn't just people performing or spectating/cheering along the roadside either. People were full on tailgating while watching the thousands of runners pass by. They had their smokey joes out, grilling burgers and hot dogs while I logged my seventh mile. Then the tricky part came.

Sometime before the bbq aroma, I realized that after all the water I had consumed pre-race, I needed to use the restroom. Like now. Every couple of miles there were Johnny on the Spots with long lines in front of them. So mile after mile I continued to pass up the opportunity and I passed up water for a while as to not add to the already miserable situation. Plus my last "water" cup contained gatorade, which came as a shock.
 When you're running, you have nothing but time to think. In this case I spent miles 2 through 10 thinking about relieving myself and how great that would be. I was also calculating the time for a porta potty break. It is a race after all. Mile 9 consisted of both a water and porta potty stop where much of the group pulled off creating long lines again. I whimperingly passed this mile marker just knowing I would have to wait another two miles before there would be porta potties on the route again. Coming around a bend to mile marker 10 was like seeing the gates of heaven... wait, what? Ok, so it was just a row of Johnny on the Spots with no waiting! So at that moment after running with a full bladder for nearly 8 miles and depriving myself of anymore intake of fluids, it felt like heaven. I literally ran in, leaving my mile pacers side and ran out rubbing hand sanitizer in between my hands as I sped up to meet with my pacing group once again. I took a deep breath of relief, giving myself a mental pat on the back and then buckled down to finish strong in the last 3.1 miles.
So that was it! I was down to a 5K left. I thought back to all those mornings I ran races that were only 5K's and I said to myself, "I got this". I pushed hard to get from the back of my pacing group to the front. I experienced a period of slight boredom in miles 11 and 12, but then I got into focus for the grand finale. I saw Kenyan's (presumably - is that wrong?) passing me at mile 12 that were at double that milage running the full marathon. Then I passed my final mile marker, came around a street corner and took in my final stretch of the race to the finish line.
As I got closer the crowds grew thicker of people hoping to spot their family member or friend. My legs were heavy; probably the heaviest they've ever felt in my life. I wanted to sprint, but I couldn't get my legs to rotate fast enough. Then I heard someone yelling above the crowd. I heard my name. I looked ahead to my right to spot my two friends yelling at me to "finish strong" and hell, since now I had an audience I had to give all I had left. I sprinted as fast as my legs could carrying me across that finish line feeling completely exhilarated and more accomplished than I had in a long time when a Chick Fil A sandwich was tossed at me. I quickly reacted and caught it having no clue what was going on. I looked at the sandwich and thought, "Huh. Really?" But I quickly went back to feeling pretty damn pleased with myself. Then a man wrapped a heat sheet around before I came to where the medals were being handed out. I proudly put the medal around my neck after a quick debate about neck sweat getting on the ribbon in my head. I grabbed and downed nearly an entire bottle of water before my friends met up with me. I was ridiculously pumped for a person who had just finished running 13.1 miles. I was jumping up and down, mainly to keep my calf muscles from tightening up. At any rate my friends thought I was insane and should be worn out. I tied my heat sheet at my neck making it like a cape that caused me to feel like Wonder Woman and I was off to get my post race beer... and eat that sandwich (shame, shame).
 I ran errands with my friends that day, never napped and acted in our second performance of 'Moon Over Buffalo' that night. I was continually moving and stretching in our small quarters backstage much to my fellow cast members delight. That evening, post show, I marveled at the day I had just had and smiled. I do recall moments in those first few miles where I got misty eyed thinking of my Dad who can now barely walk due to his MS and here his daughter was running in a half marathon. I would later post a picture of myself after the race with my medal on Facebook dedicating my race to my parents. My Mom immediately commenting that her and my Dad had followed me on my race and were overwhelming with pride made me tear up and feel very loved.

So that was the story of my big goal for 2013... didn't realize I was going there in this post... now I need to get on with 2014. One can probably guess that my goal for this year is to run the full Kansas City Marathon this fall. Don't get me wrong, I want to do this and I am determined to put this goal in the books, but I think when I register... I might throw up a little.

I also recently came across four script ideas I had jotted down nearly two years ago and I have decided to run with one of them. After completing a playwriting course in college I was convinced I was too detailed a writer for strictly dialogue, but I am determined (there's that word again) to give this script idea my best shot. If it sucks, it sucks. Who will know except for a couple of family members and friends I may pass it along to if they're lucky... or unlucky depending on how bad it is.

I would say one of my goals is to blog more, but I don't want to set myself up for failure. I am, however, writing more in my personal journal so that's something.
I have a few other little goal ideas floating around this cluttered mind of mine, but the ones above are the biggies and thus more worthy of sharing.

While blogging didn't make the goal cut, a theatre update will soon follow.

Foreshadow

Funny how you can have a feeling about something before it happens. This morning I realized I was happy. I've been content with life, not terribly stressed or dealing with drama. Then it struck me, "Oh no" and lead me to jotting down something, which turned into what is below. As a I started to type this here...the phone rang. This was fifteen minutes ago and I still feel something from it I can't explain. Shock perhaps? That I was so right about my feelings this morning. Dread. It's like a wave of upset through my entire body. I didn't answer the call. Then texts back to back. One from the last person I would ever want to hear from in the entire world and one from the person I love hearing from the most. The last thing I want to appear as is the negatively complicated girl with drama clinging to her, especially since it's not really true. The chapter must be shut once and for all.



If you see me out
you're crossing the room
eyes locked on me,
know it's not going to end with a kiss
After a few, 
don't call me
Never show up my doorstep
to love me for the night
If you think you made a mistake,
well it's too late
I'm doing fine
Just like you said I would
when you watched all those tears 
for you fall
The ghost of you killed me
for so long
I don't need to see your face
to know I'll be alright
And you don't need to see
to know you're going to miss mine
So I don't need you
trying to tell me 
how it can be different this time
Nothings changed
I'm the same girl
with a few more scars 
and I'm worth so much more
So you live with your mistake 
And I'll forget mine